Breakups suck, there can be no two ways about it. More so, when you happen to be at the short end of the stick. More so, when it all hits you when you least expect it. More so, when you have, for the first time in your life, started to look at the future and dream of watching sunsets together. More so, when you have let down the guard to the only person who can stab you in the heart.
Dealing with the Break up is messier still. What do you do, when all the moments from the beautiful past come swarming by, what are you supposed to do, when your best laid plans for the future come crashing down, like a pack of cards, leaving a gaping hole instead. What do you do, when you instinctively pick up your cell to break some news to her, out of sheer habit, when the realization hits you that things are no longer how they once used to be. What do you do, when your dreams reflect the anguish of the heart , and half the times, you wish the dreams don't end while, at other times, you end up waking in cold sweat. How are you supposed to erase memories or fight dreams!
Be strong, Time is the best healer is what they all say but how do you deal with the pain of an anguished heart and ward off the sinking feeling in your stomach now. How do you numb yourself and stop feeling. In times of distress, hope is the first casualty but what you do do when hope becomes your nemesis and stops you from burning bridges and moving on. How do you deal with the addiction, while you still dream of reconciliation.
You pour your heart out to the people who care for you,a wee bit uncertain that they would understand. They do what they do best, they listen when you need somebody to hear your silent screams and more importantly, they stand by you and it all helps but in the end it all comes down to what YOU do. In the the last stretch, you are on your own, while they root for you from the stands. You look back, see their concerned faces, you look ahead towards salvation and yet you find your steps staggering and then to the horror of all horrors you find yourself exactly at the same place where it all began. Reminds you of running on a treadmill, no matter how hard you run, you are still, exactly, there.
You deal with the pain in all the ways that is possible, some sane while others totally off the charts, you try to numb yourself and yet can't stop feeling. You think, If only you could hate her, things would be a little easy but how do you start suddenly hating someone, you once cherished and loved with everything you had. You push yourself, try out unconventional methods, clutch at the straws, try fighting pain with pain till you stop feeling anything at all.But you still feel.... everything.
There is always a promise of a better tomorrow, there is always the belief that with every passing moment, some demons of the past are being purged. But none of it , numbs the pain you feel right now. None of this , fights off the memories you wish to cleanse off. You suppress them, you repress them but they all come back and when they do, they leave you gasping for they are as potent a force as any, especially when they ambush you when you are at your lowest.
There will be a day, I will wake up with a smile and realize that I have put it all behind me, but today, that day seems like a distant mirage, in a far away land. I just hope, I don't run out of steam before I reach there and I pray that when I do, I would still remember who I am or Who I once was. But for now, I'm Still here...
Dealing with the Break up is messier still. What do you do, when all the moments from the beautiful past come swarming by, what are you supposed to do, when your best laid plans for the future come crashing down, like a pack of cards, leaving a gaping hole instead. What do you do, when you instinctively pick up your cell to break some news to her, out of sheer habit, when the realization hits you that things are no longer how they once used to be. What do you do, when your dreams reflect the anguish of the heart , and half the times, you wish the dreams don't end while, at other times, you end up waking in cold sweat. How are you supposed to erase memories or fight dreams!
Be strong, Time is the best healer is what they all say but how do you deal with the pain of an anguished heart and ward off the sinking feeling in your stomach now. How do you numb yourself and stop feeling. In times of distress, hope is the first casualty but what you do do when hope becomes your nemesis and stops you from burning bridges and moving on. How do you deal with the addiction, while you still dream of reconciliation.
You pour your heart out to the people who care for you,a wee bit uncertain that they would understand. They do what they do best, they listen when you need somebody to hear your silent screams and more importantly, they stand by you and it all helps but in the end it all comes down to what YOU do. In the the last stretch, you are on your own, while they root for you from the stands. You look back, see their concerned faces, you look ahead towards salvation and yet you find your steps staggering and then to the horror of all horrors you find yourself exactly at the same place where it all began. Reminds you of running on a treadmill, no matter how hard you run, you are still, exactly, there.
You deal with the pain in all the ways that is possible, some sane while others totally off the charts, you try to numb yourself and yet can't stop feeling. You think, If only you could hate her, things would be a little easy but how do you start suddenly hating someone, you once cherished and loved with everything you had. You push yourself, try out unconventional methods, clutch at the straws, try fighting pain with pain till you stop feeling anything at all.But you still feel.... everything.
There is always a promise of a better tomorrow, there is always the belief that with every passing moment, some demons of the past are being purged. But none of it , numbs the pain you feel right now. None of this , fights off the memories you wish to cleanse off. You suppress them, you repress them but they all come back and when they do, they leave you gasping for they are as potent a force as any, especially when they ambush you when you are at your lowest.
There will be a day, I will wake up with a smile and realize that I have put it all behind me, but today, that day seems like a distant mirage, in a far away land. I just hope, I don't run out of steam before I reach there and I pray that when I do, I would still remember who I am or Who I once was. But for now, I'm Still here...
